Am I a guilty Mum?

Am I a guilty Mum?  A simple question that I kept asking myself with…..

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After I’ve given birth to my kids, I always returned to work after 9 months of maternity leave.  I envied those stay at home mums who doesn’t worry of going back to work and leave their precious little bundles of joy to someone else.  I am wholeheartedly unhappy with it.  I would have loved to resign and be a stay at home mum myself, however, it’s best for me to work financially at the moment.  Am I a guilty mum?

In the mornings as I wake both my kids up so they can prepare themselves before we will all go out.   I always feel horrible every time I see them still feeling tired and wanting to stay in bed a bit longer.  Don’t get me wrong, I did request a change of shift at work but it has been almost a year now and I’m still waiting for it to be approved.  Meanwhile, my conscience keeps bugging me that I work too early in the morning.  Am I a guilty mum?

Our daily routine includes dropping off my kids to their childminder before me and my husband head for work.  I have to say, I’m glad we have a very lovely and friendly childminder.  Although at the back of my mind, I envy her a lot for having this chance  to look after my own kids while I was away.  She feeds them, play with them, drop Reimer to school and even give Ruby cuddles until she naps in the afternoon.  All these things I would love to do everyday but I’m not there with them.  I know it’s ridiculously insane that I feel this way because working is not my choice, it’s a decision I’m forced to take.   Am I a guilty Mum?

When I collect Ruby from childminder’s house, I always have mixed emotions.   Reason being is, I’ve always wanted her to get excited when she sees me on the door, but it doesn’t always happen that way.  She sometimes just woke up from a nap and even goes up to her childminder and give her a hug instead.  I must admit, it’s heartbreaking and I blame myself for that.  That she have bonded well with another person rather than myself.  Although on a hindsight, it means she have done her job well that my kids love her that much.  Am I a guilty mum?

When everyone is finally home for the day, it’s either I’m busy preparing dinner or catching up on chores.  On the side, I also help Reimer on his homework but left Ruby doing something else on her own.  I can’t even spend time with them until bed time comes, when they’ll have bath, story and bed.  I lie down every night in bed reflecting of the things I have done with them for the day.  It’s terrible to say, I’ve only done the minimum.  Am I a guilty mum?

I stumbled across this quote which I tried to tell my guilty self with and hoping it would lift my spirit and will make me feel a little bit better.

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At the end of the day, I am doing what I’m doing because it’s all for them no matter how hard, frustrating and challenging being a mum can bring.

Are you a guilty Mum?

Have you been guilty sometimes for not giving enough time and attention to your kids?

This post is linked up with:

Cuddle Fairy
Best of Worst
Let's Talk Mommy
Mummascribbles

49 thoughts on “Am I a guilty Mum?

  • I am in the same boat as you. I work and I leave my little one with a childminder. He is shattered when I pick him up which then means he is miserable when I am have him, but that is just a sign of him having had a really good day running around with all the other children. No matter what I did I couldn’t give him the stimulation that playing with a room full of children gives him. He is confident, bright, and sociable. Traits perhaps he might not have had if I had stayed at home. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. #mg

    • ReimerandRuby

      My kids are the same, they’re bold and sociable, I think they got it from being with childminder and playing with different kids, which I think they won’t be the same if I stayed at home. Thanks for reminding me all these positive side of things!

  • We all feel guilty at times that just comes with Motherhood Cheryl! I can see by the smiles on your children’s faces that you are a loving and caring Mum. We all do the best we can and remember Wonder Woman doesn’t exist! Have a lovely day and stopping by from #mg link up

    • ReimerandRuby

      I know none of us is wonder woman, we can’t be in two places at the same time, isn’t it? lol Thanks for stopping by and for your lifting my spirit with your lovely comment!

  • Oh this made me cry, it must be so hard for you dropping them off and wishing you could be there. I have been fortunate enough that either my hubby or myself have been able to work from home. I have not gone back full time since having my first child, it has meant some financial hardship but we scrape by. I know how lucky I am. But do I feel guilty, yes! A million times I have felt guilty. Doing housework when they want to play, or blogging when I could be hugging them. I feel guilty for not working full time, I feel the pressure on my husband to provide, I feel guilty and I ask myself am I being a good enough role model to my girls because I don’t work full time? I think we feel guilty about something from the moment we are pregnant, but deep down I know I am a good mum, my children are so loved and traded with kindness and affection, what more can we do that could be better than that! Don’t be hard on yourself, enjoy your nightly snuggles with them and reading to them, and know that they will respect you and admire you for always working so hard for them xx

    • ReimerandRuby

      I think it’s normal that everything we do, we all feel guilty of, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I agree with you, as long as we know we’re a good mum, we have done what we have done only for them… Thanks for lifting my spirit with your kind words!

  • Oh lovely! I know these feelings so well, I too have always been a working mum and the guilt is overwhelming at times. But as you say, we don’t always have a choice. My MIL, who is a very wise woman, once said the she used to feel guilty for staying at home because they never had any money and she could of gone to work. I think feeling guilty is part of being a mum. Take care lovely and believe you are doing your best for your children xx

    • ReimerandRuby

      It’s a no win situation for us, isn’t it? It can be a difficult decision we have to take, but most importantly, we choose whats best for our kids and for the entire family. You too take care and Thanks very much for your lovely comment!

  • I think whatever mums do they end up feeling guilty about something or other. To me it sounds like you are doing the best you can for your family and you should never be made to feel guilty about that. #bestandworst
    Debbie

    • ReimerandRuby

      I think feeling guilty seems like a normal feeling for mums… we simply just can’t do everything. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely comment!

  • I’m such a guilty Mum. I’m currently finding juggling motherhood and a career incredibly tough. It’s either Mummy guilt or work guilt (don’t even get me started on wife guilt). But love your quote. I guess the moments are what are precious. And hopefully our kids will remember those.

    Renee @peonieandme #bestandworst

    • ReimerandRuby

      I know what you mean, we feel guilty with anything and everything, isn’t it? Yep, the moments with our kids are the most precious ones and should hopefully linger in their minds forever. Thanks for your lovely comment!

  • Well if you’re a guilty mum then I am too, as I also work full time. You just have to do what’s best for you and your family, and I’m sure the kids will be fine. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway! It’s one of those things where you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. #BestandWorst

    • ReimerandRuby

      So true, damned if you do and damned if you don’t… Life is just so complicated, isn’t it? Anyway, thanks for your lovely comment!

  • I suffer terribly with guilt, I think it comes with motherhood, whatever you do there is always questioning. I am a SAHM so I have all the guilt of what I should be doing with my time, am I doing too much/too little. You have to so what is right for you and your situation. No one is perfect X #bestandworst

  • I’ve felt like you recently as we have had a very ill start to 2016: it’s very hard to want to run around and play with your children when you feel so ill! I’ve felt guilty. I know where you are coming from but you need to work and it sounds like Reimer and Ruby are settled. Enjoy the moments you have and as Renee says above, those will be the moments remembered! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    • ReimerandRuby

      I think we always come across the feeling of guilt sometimes, isn’t it? Hope you’re feeling better now and running around and playing with your little gremlin. Thanks sarah!

  • I think every mom is a guilty mom being honest. We are all guilty about something. It starts during pregnancy & never ends lol You are doing the best you can. I can imagine your upset at not being with your kids all day. I love that quote, it’s one of my fav’s. It sums up motherhood so well. I’m delighted to have you co-hosting candid cuddles this week! x

    • ReimerandRuby

      Yes, I totally agree, we always feel guilty even for no reason at all, hehehe. I love that quote too, suits motherhood so well. I’m so glad you offered me to be your co-host Becky, it’s very much appreciated.

  • Great quote. The good moments make all the bad moments seem less important. Thanks for hosting #candidcuddles 🙂
    Debbie

  • I am a stay at home mom and there are days I feel guilty that I’m just wore out and want to go back to work. I feel guilty for feeling selfish but then I remind myself that I am doing the best I can and when I read stories about child abuse and neglect I realize that I’m doing a damn good job. I know how you feel about your children bonding with their caretaker. My son, who has always thought I hung the moon, has recently grown very fond of his teacher and as much as it hurts my heart I’m also happy that she’s so wonderful to him because I know that won’t always be the case in his school future. So for now when he comes to me and needs me and tells me how much he loves me…I cherish it and never take it for granted. I know I’m still first to him and for now I will hold on to that because I am his mommy and will always be. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing what’s best. Financial is important as kids are expensive to raise. Thanks for co-hostessing! Sorry about the essay of a message.

    • ReimerandRuby

      It’s nice seeing other people who is so wonderful to our kids, it hurts but I think I’m just a bit jealous of the attention. Yep, important is we know we have done the best for them and that’s the main thing. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely message Trista! No worries, I don’t see it as an essay at all… it nice of you for lifting up my spirit!

  • I think we as parents always go through moments of feeling guilty, for whatever reason. Having to work when you’d much rather be at home with your kids is definitely on the list of guilty feelings I’ve had over the years but as your quotes says, “the joy of motherhood comes in moments.” I like that saying because it is real. Not everything about being a parent is chock full of good times. There are some downsides and some struggles so enjoying the positive moments makes it that much more special. Popping over from #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      Very true! motherhood is not all good times… it comes with challenges, frustrations and bad times as well and it’s the moments with it that matters. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely comment!

  • This is a beautiful quote! I feel so guilty sometimes, because I’m at work, or I can’t afford to get stuff, or I’m just too tired to play… but then those good moments mean so much, and I realise that even if I was at home, and had money, and wasn’t tired there would probably still be other things I would feel guilty about instead – I’d be worried I wasn’t setting a good example, or spoiling her, or something! x #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      I think whether we are working or we’re not, we still feels guilty of something. As long as what we are doing is best for them, I think that would help lift the guilt away. Yes setting a good example is a good thing for them too. Thanks jess!

  • I am in completely the same boat as you and some time ago I wrote an almost identical post to this. Us working mums can’t help but feel immense guilt at being away from our children and only getting them in the times they are tired. I hope that one day I don’t have to work as much as I do but for now, it’s helping to put a roof over our heads and food on the tables so it simply has to be done. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • ReimerandRuby

      Totally agree, sometimes little sacrifice like working and being away from our kids has to be done for the betterment of our family. I think I have read that post of yours and I can totally relate to it as well. Thanks Lisa!

  • I think feeling guilty is just a standard part of being a parent! No matter what we do, what choices we make, there is always going to be some guilt there that it’s not enough somehow. Which is silly, because if we’re giving our children security and love, we’re giving them everything they need. x #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      Very true! Although we’re feeling guilty, but on the other hand, we’re giving our kids everything they need and that’s more important. Thanks Madeline!

  • This is a great quote by a great man. I met Elder Ballard once and he is an amazing leader which great advice and wisdom. Angela from Daysinbed popping over via #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      Wow! Good for you that you have met him… I find that quote so suited about motherhood so well! Thanks Angela!

  • A great quote and a beautiful honest post, thanks for sharing. I am a SAHM and in the next few months, we are starting to send my little girl to nursery (2yrs) and if im honest…im quite nervous. You are an amazing mother and when they understand why you have done what you have, they will love that little bit more. Keep shining x #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      Aw Thank you for your nice words… Hopefully your little girl settles well in nursery when it comes!

  • I think mommy guilt is something that we all do to ourselves, regardless of the circumstances. We’re all doing our best, and sometimes we need to remind ourselves that our best is all we can do 🙂

    • ReimerandRuby

      Yes so true, all of us mums have this guilt in us whatever our situation is… As long as we do the best we can then we should not be guilty of anything. Thank you!

  • What a lovely read, it’s certainly something I can identify with most days! It sounds to me like you are doing the absolute best for your beautiful children, and when they look back they will certainly appreciate all the hard work you put in because of those shining moments. Wishing you all the best 🙂

    • ReimerandRuby

      I hope they would appreciate the hard work I’ve put in the family even if I have to do a little sacrifice by leaving them with the childminder. Thank you Carrie!

  • As mothers, I believe we will always feel guilty about something, wondering if there isn’t more we could be doing. You sound like you are doing the best you can which is all any of us can do. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the time you do get top spend with them. You’ve written a lovely post and I have felt the same too many times to count! #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      It’s nice when I know all mothers feel the same guilt sometimes not just me… I think it’s a normal thing, part of motherhood probably. Thank you Kerry-Ann for your lovely comment!

  • Thank you for hosting lovely xx

  • We have all been there, I went through this after having my son and I think it contributed to my post partum. It never got better, the feeling guilty I mean. It doesn’t mean your a bad mom, I think its just hard for us as mom’s to not be the caretaker all the time for our kids. I worked really hard for a few years and was able to make it happen its been 1 1/2 of staying home and I love it so much. Just remember its ok to feel guilty but it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong as a mom. Thanks for sharing #candidcuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      Lucky you for finally being able to stay at home to look after your son. So true, it’s ok and acceptable to feel guilty and it doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely comment!

  • Don’t ever feel guilty darling. Easier said than done but my mother worked three jobs just to feed us and house us and we never ever felt like she wasn’t there for us We had the best childhood ever and she just taught us we have to work for things in life and that anything is possible if we work hard. She is and was a great role model for us working and we respected her for that so much. We never once felt we were missing out or she was. If anything it made our bond so much tighter too when we became adults knowing all that she provided for us growing up. I hope this helps you feel less guilty and more like you are teaching them amazing things by doing what you are doing. It’s pure love there momma. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. I hope to see you again tomorrow for another great roundup! #sharewithme

    • ReimerandRuby

      Thank you for such very nice words… I’ve noticed that too that when I’m off work, I appreciate our bonding even better. Thanks for stopping by and for your lovely comment!

  • What a lovely quote – it’s all about moments, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter how many hours a day we spend with our children, it’s those shining moments that really count. Whatever time we have we should make it meaningful and enjoy it! #CandidCuddles

    • ReimerandRuby

      So true.. the quantity of time doesn’t matter, it’s the quality time we spent with them that matters most. Thanks for dropping by and for your lovely comment!

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